Baby Steps Toward Visibility

I found out that I was deathly afraid of public speaking at the age of 15.

I distinctly remember my first forced attempt in a required class in high school, clammy and awkward, scattered and stuttering. It was the first time I ever had an out-of-body experience.

I got a P for participation, but the teacher likely gave me a P for practically passing out. As a high-achieving perfectionist, this experience was not acceptable, and my ego flagged speaking publicly as completely unsafe and something to avoid AT ALL COSTS.

I navigated this fear with as much grace as I possibly could through college. It wasn’t pretty but, despite myself, I graduated cum laude and moved to New York with a handful of experiences to reinforce my avoidance.

While in Manhattan I built a successful career in fashion that, conveniently, did not include public speaking. My styling skills flourished, but my comfort zone felt too comfortable…fast forward 10 years and I felt the call to create the Aligned Style Collective.

When I soft launched the program and had to show up in branding videos, I had a parasympathetic nervous (system) breakdown. I never realized how deeply rooted my fear of judgment was for expressing myself in conscious purchasing thought leadership. It felt like I was baring my soul for the whole world to see, and the visibility was too much.

While my head had all of the strategies in place and confidence in my abilities, my inner child was less prepared.

Fashion styling was always an easy medium for me. Being a calculated over-sharer of curated personal experiences, that felt accessible.…but pure vulnerability, and feeling safe in being truly seen for who I am, what I feel and how I think, that was another story.

Two years, and countless healing modalities later, the landscape feels much “smoother”, aka, not absolutely terrifying. I keep showing up, and I keep humbling myself, but I also keep learning.

I share this experience as a reminder that, when we desire expansion and lean into those edges, new opportunities for healing will be revealed, and it is OK to go slow.

We are all on unique paths.

Some women are great at dynamic public speaking and struggle when it comes to personal style.

Some women are great at building gorgeous outfits and would much prefer the cover of sunglasses and the written word.

Some women are great at 1:1 connection and would rather die than attend a networking event.

Some women are the ultimate connectors and feel guarded beyond belief, not even sure of who they are when they are alone.

There is no shame in any of our game and we are still worthy of love and belonging.

If this resonates, go slow. Give your inner child a hug today, celebrate where you are, and know that baby steps toward expansion will get you where you need to go as long as you don’t give up.